


Fatherboards and Other F-Words

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [47]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: #coulsonlives (Marvel), Alien Culture, Arguing, Artificial Intelligence, Culture Shock, Family Drama, Feminist Themes, Gen, Messy, My headcanon is a kinder universe than the MCU, Sexism, Sexist Language, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 15:36:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: Betty has had enough of Thor's behavior.  Thor is without clue.





	Fatherboards and Other F-Words

**Author's Note:**

> This is the freebie for the August 6, 2019 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from Dreamwidth user Starbit. It also fills the "firmness" square in [my 8-2-19 card](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11961107.html) for the End of Summer Bingo fest. It was [originally posted on Dreamwidth](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11965421.html), so you might like to read the discussion under that post.
> 
> Regarding characterization: A few days of comments on both platforms have revealed distinct splits in reader interpretation. Some people think it's precisely in character, others think it's way off. Much of this depends on whether they spotted the antecedents in canon, so I'll highlight some examples here:
> 
> Thor doesn't act like someone responsible for picking up after himself. The scene people are most likely to remember is him throwing a glass on the floor. Why in the world would someone do that? First, it shows that he doesn't have to clean it up. That's likely to cause pervasive messiness if nobody's doing that anymore. Second, there must be a reason. Noble extravagance is one option, but not the only one. Here he mentioned invisible servants, a common motif in mythology. Those are like basic computer programs: they're pretty dumb. How do you keep them from grabbing every glass? You make sure the ones they're supposed to pick up are very different -- say, broken. After collection, the glass can be restored with another spell or shoveled into a forge and remade. That's Asgardian recycling.
> 
> Thor's storyline is rife with sexism and classism, occasionally spackled over in attempt to hide it. One clear example is "The Warriors Three." Not the Warriors Five. Not even the Warriors Four. Thor, the Golden Child; the Warriors Three, his friends ... and Sif, as an afterthought, not labeled as a warrior.
> 
> EDIT: A reader added [this scene showing how Thor and Loki tend to treat servants](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155948).
> 
> Canon is full of many bits that can be chosen and put together to make stories. Those are examples of what went into this one. Different writers will make different choices, which is what makes fandom cool. Which interpretation readers _prefer_ is a matter of personal taste.
> 
> Then there's the issue of sympathy. There are two perspectives in play: Thor is being a jerk, and Thor is hopelessly confused by Midgardian culture. There's truth in both aspects, and both are supported in this piece. Which one readers _sympathize_ with seems to be based on their lived experience. People who have gotten stuck cleaning up after slobs tend to favor Betty; people who have gotten stuck with shifting goals tend to sympathize with Thor. What you see on the page is only part of the story: readers bring other parts into it themselves.
> 
> You can see those divergent ideas play out in comments.

Thor was a complete and utter slob. 

It took the Avengers very little time  
to realize this about their teammate.

Perhaps it was because, growing up  
in a palace, Thor expected other people  
to pick up after him all the time -- which  
superheroes had little interest in doing.

None of them liked it, but it  
drove Betty berserk.

One morning Phil went  
into the common room  
to find her screaming at Thor  
and throwing things at him.

She grabbed magazines  
and empty Pop-Tart boxes  
and everything of his that  
lay strewn around the room.

A pair of jockeys flew  
through the air and got  
stuck over Thor's head.

"You learn to pick up  
your own goddamned crap,  
because I am not picking up  
after you, Thor Odinson,"  
Betty roared, hurling shoes.  
"I am _not _ your mother,  
I am_ not_ your maid, and this  
is _NOT a fucking frat house!" _

Thor cringed away from her rage. 

The other Avengers, coming in  
behind Phil, simply snickered.

Clearly Phil would have to sort out  
this unfortunate situation by himself.

"I understand your frustration, Betty,  
but yelling doesn't help," said Phil.  
"Perhaps you could ask nicely." 

"I did that yesterday. And all last week.  
And every motherfucking day since Thor  
_got_ here," Betty snarled. "I have lost count  
of how many things I've asked him _nicely _  
for and he hasn't done a one of them." 

"One thousand, two hundred and sixteen,"  
JARVIS reported from the nearest speaker.  
"Positive response rate: zero percent." 

"Well then, perhaps Thor will learn that  
when asking nicely gets no response,  
people tend to stop being nice about it,"  
Phil said, looking at the young god.

Thor merely shrugged. "It matters not,"  
he said. "She is a woman, and not a warrior.  
What else are they for but our care and comfort?"

The look on Betty's face reminded Phil of  
the Black Widow taking aim at a target.

But she wasn't looking at Thor.

"Oh, if you think he's being rude  
to _me,_ you should just see how  
he treats JARVIS," Betty said,  
looking across the room at Tony.

"What difference does it make?"  
Thor said. "Invisible servants  
have no feelings. Every child  
learns this about them."

"JARVIS? Are we having  
a problem here?" Tony said.

"It is of no concern, sir,"  
said JARVIS. "Interactions  
have not yet crossed into  
hostile parameters."

Phil winced. He had  
_hacked into_ JARVIS once  
and not gotten classified as  
a hostile intruder, just unwanted  
beyond a certain threshold.

JARVIS had inherited some  
of Tony's boundary issues.

"Perhaps an explanation  
would be --" Phil began.

"Yeah, _no,"_ said Tony.  
"JARVIS, reset Thor's status  
from Core User to Guest. He has  
to earn his way back up. Also, notify  
Housekeeping that he's on his own.  
I don't trust him with the maids anymore;  
they shouldn't have to put up with this shit."

Thor puffed up like a horned toad  
about to start spraying blood  
in every possible direction.

"You would have me live  
as a _peasant?"_ he said.  
"You have a fine palace!  
I know you pay your servants  
well enough to do their work."

"JARVIS, how often has Thor  
left a tip for the maids after he  
comes home extra messy?"  
Clint asked, rolling his eyes.

"Positive response rate:  
zero percent," JARVIS said.

"I dislike being spied upon,"  
Thor said. "Man of Iron,  
will you not alter your spell  
to make the invisible servant  
more discreet? And_ biddable?"_

"A great big fuck no to that,"  
Tony said. "Thor, JARVIS isn't  
whatever 'invisible servant' you're  
used to back in Asgard. He is  
a person, just not made of meat."

Thor chuckled. "I know that  
the people of Midgard are  
very young, but most children  
outgrow that belief by the time  
they can dress themselves."

"I know that JARVIS is a person  
because _I made him_ that way,"  
Tony said, narrowing his eyes.  
"I took personality imprints from  
myself and Edwin Jarvis to put on  
fatherboards so that JARVIS would  
have examples to grow on. He is  
_my son,_ and if you diss him, I will  
dump you out on your divine ass."

"What he said," Clint added.

"Thor better learn how to treat  
everyone as a person," Betty said.  
"I'm not the only feminist around here.  
And that's not the only F-word I know."

It was very clearly the Black Widow  
and not Natasha who sat on the back  
of the couch and drew the whetstone  
over her knife with a steely slither.

"Oh, don't mind me," she purred.  
"I'm sure that he'll figure it out ...  
after I cut off a few tidbits."

This was all getting out of hand,  
Phil realized, and he had better  
get a lid on it very quickly. It  
called for more firmness.

"All right, Thor, you've seen  
that your behavior doesn't fit  
into the team culture," Phil said.  
"Everyone else, please remember  
that Thor had a difficult childhood  
which did not help him learn some of  
the skills we expect. Let's work on  
filling in the gaps, not picking at them."

"You have user tutorials, right JARVIS?"  
said Clint. "You could put the first few  
of those on Thor's schedule today."

"Schedule updated," JARVIS said.

Phil smiled. Core Users could  
make changes to Guest files.

"JARVIS, what does Thor's bedroom  
look like right now?" Bucky asked.

The nearest viewscreen filled with  
an image of rumpled cloth and  
bits of garbage everywhere.

"A pigsty," Betty observed. "I'm  
not wasting the emotional labor  
to put it any more politely."

"The room would be cleaner  
if Thor did not kick the broombots,"  
JARVIS said. "I had to remove them."

Tony looked like he was about  
to blow his last gasket.

"That's about what I  
expected," Bucky said,  
throwing a metal arm  
around Thor's shoulder.  
"Come on, buddy, and I'll  
teach you how to make a bed."

"It _is_ made," Thor said, baffled.  
"I have put the top on the bottom  
as Lady Jane instructed me."

Everyone looked at the bed with  
the comforter dumped on it.

Bucky patted his pockets,  
shook his head, and then  
turned to Steve. "Can I  
borrow a quarter?" he said.

"Sure," Steve said, handing  
him a quarter with a smile.

"Let's go," Bucky said to Thor.  
"This is gonna take a while."

**Author's Note:**

> [The motherboard](https://www.computerhope.com/jargon/m/mothboar.htm) is the foundation of a computer. There is no fatherboard in local computers. However, Tony uses the term fatherboard for the circuit panel that holds a personality imprint of a human parent to provide a new artificial intelligence with a template of personhood. JARVIS has two daddies: Tony Stark and Edwin Jarvis.
> 
> Feminism is often referred to [as an F-word](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/feminism-an-f-word-for-all_b_5615295).
> 
> Housework is a [common point of contention](https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2018/05/18/611978514/why-the-cant-he-wash-the-dishes-the-chores-that-can-sink-a-relationship). In a mixed household -- especially in college -- one or more of the women almost always winds up doing the vast majority of the work. Men tend to have a higher mess tolerance on average, which allows them to ignore it until someone else does the work for them. I have found that an excellent definition of feminist is a woman who confronts a man and tells him to clean up his own mess instead of doing it for him. Which is why so many men pronounce the word as "bitch."
> 
> Another thing women are expected to provide free is [emotional labor](https://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor). Now, Betty will do that for Bruce-and-Hulk because they invest in the relationship too, making it an equal exchange. She won't do it for people who don't reciprocate. Betty is a scientist, not a housewife.
> 
> [Horned toads](http://biologybizarre.blogspot.com/2014/01/extreme-defense-in-horned-lizards-they.html) really do [squirt blood in self-defense](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgB4u6Mgy2M).
> 
> Read instructions on [how to make a bed that will bounce a quarter](https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-make-a-bed-you-can-bounce-a-quarter-off-of/), and [watch a video of a quarter bouncing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBWmxavjAL4).


End file.
